4 WAYS IN WHICH UNFAITHFULNESS/ADULTERY IS BETRAYAL AND 7 STRATEGIES TO PROTECT YOUR RELATIONSHIP FROM IT!

            THE FOUR WAYS OF BETRAYAL

1. IT BETRAYS GOD

First of all it is a major disappointment to God as he is the author of marriage. He encouraged the first husband and wife to “be fruitful and multiply”.  Biblically speaking it is a sacred bond between a man and a woman where “the two become one flesh”. The act of adultery is also called unfaithfulness. I am sure we all can agree that faithfulness is a good thing. With that being said, there should be no debate as to whether unfaithfulness is a bad thing. It is. Now, I am not writing this to beat those who have struggled or given into this over the head. I am writing this to shed light on how, and why you should change. Adultery/unfaithfulness betrays the expectations that God has regarding relationships.

 

2. IT BETRAYS YOUR WIFE/HUSBANDImage result for adultery betrayal gif

When you enter into a relationship even if it’s girlfriend or boyfriend faithfulness is expected. Who starts dating with the idea that unfaithfulness is ok? So don’t think of this article in terms of what you have been taught about marriage. Marriage is much more than a license. Ask yourself these questions, how were people married before the 1800’s? What was the “REAL” reason for the marriage license when it started? Do you know? What was “common law marriage” how different is it from long term dating? What about those who marry just for citizenship are they really married? Is God going to ask for your marriage license?

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What does the word marry mean? Think in terms of engineering?  Well, when you research these answers you will have a clearer picture of the value of a relationship, and how you should approach them license or not. Here is another question to ask yourself, what about contracting and transferring a disease. Now that would be double betrayal! What I am saying here is, regardless of a license if you are unfaithful, you are betraying the person you are with.

3. IT BETRAYS YOUR CHILDREN

If you have children please understand that you are betraying them as well.Image result for children and adultery Not only does your mate have an expectation that you will be faithful but, your children do as well. You must be real about the painful effects. Think of the embarrassment that your children will experience especially if things end in a public display which usually happens. Think of your daughter orson copying the same behavior, or worse endorsing, and enduring it. Meditate on this…

4. IT BETRAYS YOUR LEGACY

You must understand that you are building a legacy with your actions. If you are living a life of betraying relationships that goes on your “moral resume” which is basically your LEGACY. Your children run the risk of following in your footsteps. You simply must see the impact faithfulness and loyalty to your mate has on your moral resume/legacy. You and your mate are the builders, the designers of what will be your bloodline the merger of two seeds! So choose your mate wisely, and when you have a good one DO NOT sabotage it with betrayal!

 

 

THE 7 STRATEGIES OF PROTECTION

1. YOU SIMPLY MUST DECIDE THAT YOU WILL NOT DO IT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES

I have written several posts about “CODE” which is basically a set of principles, I live by a biblical code. If you use this information properly I can assure you that it will keep chaos away from you home. Meditate on this

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post and decide that you will live by a code of integrity, morality, faithfulness, trustworthiness, and wisdom. Decide that under no circumstances will you betray your relationship. Even when they make you mad after an argument, betrayal is never justified.

2. THINK OF HOW YOU WOULD FEEL IF IT WERE DONE TO  YOU

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For most of us this would cause a tremendous amount of pain. Ask yourself would you want your daughter or son to feel this. So regardless of whether your husband or wife said something hurtful or made you angry. Do not make a permanent decision over a temporary emotion. There are much better ways to deal with conflicts. If your spouse is abusive you could get counseling, separate, or worst case scenario divorce. As I mentioned in step 1. live by a code.

3. YOU MUST CLEARLY DEFINE WHAT IS APPROPRIATE AND INAPPROPRIATE WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX (BE AWARE ALSO THAT AS OF NOW ANY SEX WILL PROPOSITION YOU)

You must be real with yourself about those outside of your relationship. You and your spouse/mate must have talks about what is inappropriate. You cannot assume when you meet someone that they have the same habits, comfort zones, or cultural background as you. There are things that will cause problems in an otherwise good relationship, that people just do not think about. I will explain further in the following steps.

4. BE ON  GUARD AT WORK, EXPECT FLIRTATION, ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES

You simply must not underestimate the impact jobs or careers can have on relationships. I would go as far as saying that jobs and careers are hostile to relationships. For example, there are many uncomfortable situations that women and men are forced into on jobs. Like being forced into awkward

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lunch situations with the opposite sex due to a schedule. Being expected or coerced into buying a gift for a co-worker of the opposite sex whose name was pulled out of a hat i.e. “secret santa”. Working in confined quarters with the opposite sex where uncomfortable silences get broken by forced conversations, forced familiarity. Are you doubting this? Well, you have only to think of all the times when women and especially men have taken advantage of these types of scenarios. So many women have come forward to complain about sexual harassment on the job. This happens to men as well however, most either enjoy it or feel uncomfortable making complaint. Internalize 1. 2. and 3. and establish boundaries at your job.

5. BE CORDIAL BUT MEASURED WITH NEIGHBORS, ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES

Relationships with neighbors can also be an awkward science to master. However, master it you must because unless you live on a multi acre estate you will have neighbors. What you simply must be real about is the fact that everyone has character flaws. The character flaws that you are committed to tolerating and being patient with as they change are the ones in your home.

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When it comes to those outside but right next door or across the street from your home you must be measured. You simple must not be overly friendly with your neighbor of the opposite sex. If you do you could very easily reinforce the wrong idea day after day and find yourself in an awkward situation faced with their character flaws and temptations. Or even worse have your flaws mingling with theirs, so maintain the intimacy and privacy of your home by setting boundaries with neighbors.

6. GOING TO NIGHTCLUBS IS TOXIC FOR MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIPS

Though some many not agree with this, I will pose some questions everyone must be real about. What time do clubs open? What time do they close? What are the main types of drinks at clubs? Are most people sober? Why do women drink free after midnight? Are guys looking for wives there? Are

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women looking for husbands? Would you tell your daughter or son to look for her mates there? That smell in the air, is it pine? Why is Rohypnol called the club drug? I encourage you to meditate on these questions and your answers and watch the epiphany come over you.

7. ESTABLISH PHYSICAL AND MENTAL CHECK-POINTS

What I am about to share in this step is so important. What do I mean by check points? Let’s start with your eyes, they are a check point.  They are a check point for your mind, the eyes are the first check point.

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If something is forbidden or dangerous limit your looks to one or none if possible. The second check point is your mind/thoughts. If you continue looking you will continually think about what/who you are observing limit your thoughts to

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one or none if possible. The 3rd and very dangerous check point is your feelings. What

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you continually think about you will eventually begin to feel. You simply must stop this at the thought check point if it gets past your eyes. The fourth check point is communication at this point there should be all kinds

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FORBIDDEN WITH SOMEONE NOT YOUR MATE

of sirens, bells, and whistles blowing in your mind warning you to stop! It is

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at this point that your flaws/temptations begin to merge with the flaws/temptations of another. At this point the problem is no longer just inside of you, it is now outside of you. You have made known to the opposite sex that which should never have taken root in you. If the feelings are reciprocated now come the discussion of physical expression of the feelings, at this point all check points have been bypassed. You see I break it down like this to show that there is no such thing as “it just happened”.

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No, it does not just happen. There are check points unfortunately for some those check points have no guards at the post. I will summarize this step in 5 words SIGHT, THOUGHT, FEELINGS, COMMUNICATION, ACTIONS.The four words you can use to summarize and internalize this teaching are “ESTABLISH & MAINTAIN PROPER BOUNDARIES”. You can build a great relationship! I speak from experience! You can do it! Apply the strategies that I share in this post, be consistent and watch the fortress of a relationship that emerges over time.

POETIC WISDOM FOR MARITAL RELATIONSHIPS AND COMMUNICATION

THE VISION OF WHO IS HONORABLE IN THE WORLD IS GETTING BLURRY…

THE VISION OF WHO IS HONORABLE IN THE WORLD IS GETTING BLURRY…

Before I get into the core of this article I would like to say that

biblically speaking there are some who are worthy of our

honor automatically, and they are:

  1.  Elders
  2. Father and Mother
  3. Husband and Wife
  4. Leaders/Teachers

Although, who to honor is important

why to honor them should be clearly defined.

I feel this way because modern vision is becoming a little

bit blurry about honor. It seems that many take for granted

those who are worthy of honor. This kind of

attitude leads them to becoming ungrateful

for the honorable people in their lives as well.

With that being said lets briefly examine each group.

Elders

Job 12:12 Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?

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We have all heard the cliche’ “respect your elders”

well, I see more and more youth giving little honor

to elders when they speak. I see more and more flippant

attitudes toward elders as if there is nothing to learn

from their experience. This is troubling because when

it comes to family structure in older times elders maintained

very important “time tested” traditions. An elder will

definitely possess some knowledge of a “proven principle

or practice” that makes things in one’s life go easier.

So, to outright discard what they have to say is

simply foolish.

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Father and Mother

Ephesians 6:2 “Honor your father and mother” which is the first commandment with a promise

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Well, being a father I can tell you I have fought to maintain

old time traditions in my home, and my children know all

too well what I expect and deserve as a parent. However,

once again I see so much dishonor shown to parents everywhere!

It’s constantly shown on TV and in movie scenes i.e. the disrespectful

mouthy daughter who tells her parents off and storms to her room.

Or the son who intimidates his mom into submission.

Spanking aside, it has gotten to the point

where many parents feel guilty about having to

discipline their children in any sort of fashion. It should be clear

in the minds of children that mom and dad work hard for them.

It should be clear that having a home, entertainment, food,

clothes, and hope for the future is a privilege provided by parents.

It should be clear that parents face pressure daily of providing,

nurturing, inspiring, trusting, building, teaching, praying,

loving, being hurt, etc. So, dishonoring a parent,

is to forget about and take for granted the magnitude of what

parenting really is.

Husband and Wife

Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage

bed be undefiled.

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This is an area that is incredibly vital. Vital because it is

the beginning of human family structure. Without honor

among husband and wife there is chaos in the home

starting at the root. Both parties must understand this,

unless you are in an abusive relationship, or criminal elements

present, or there has been infidelity, you really

have to maintain your gratitude in spite of temporary annoyances.

In a good relationship there will be problems to

deal with however, you should never make a

permanent decision over a temporary emotion.

I see it like this, you get so much from a good relationship like:

  • Hope and vision for the future
  • Self esteem
  • Protection/safety
  • Friendship
  • Love and affection
  • Fun
  • Direction
  • Admiration
  • Adoration
  • Appreciation

It is for those reasons and more that I can only honor

my wife. In spite of any difficult time that may arise

I always view things through that prism and my vision

remains unblurry. I must also say that the modern day vision

is becoming more and more hostile toward marriage . Many

outside of marital confines do not honor the sanctity of marriage and

monogamous relationships. (and I am not talking about a marriage license

I’m talking about a true union of two souls) many actually seek to

violate and dishonor those confines if they have an opportunity.

So, I encourage every person in a committed relationship

reading this to remember to guard your marriage like

a mother grizzly guarding her cubs, and honor each other

over everyone else.

Leaders/Teachers

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Who is a leader in your life? Who has taught you vital concepts?

Do you recognize them? Do you honor them? What have you

gained from their impact on your life? As a leader and teacher

myself I can tell you sometimes it is a thankless

experience.  A few times, I have even had those who

have become powerful people because of my impact actually

give off a judgmental vibe as if I owe them more somehow,

or a couple of times disrespected me unapologetically.

Now, someone doing this to me may seem unheard of to those

who know me personally, but it only highlights the reality of

what I am saying. The natural feeling would be hurt, or

anger however, truthfully I do not do what I do for thanks. I do what

I do because I can, because through intense personal study,

many powerful, mentors, creativity, and leading by example

I have the power and influence to do it. As the cliche’

goes with great power comes great responsibility.

At some point those whose vision has become

blurry as to your value or worth will see in HD again.

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Remorse later in life is a good teacher for some.

I encourage everyone  reading to think about the leaders

and teachers in your life, those uncommon people

whose impact you may have taken for granted. Be sure to give them

the honor they deserve for the role they played in your life. If you

yourself are a leader or teacher and you can relate to feeling

dishonored at some point by those you love and influence remember

this word, VALUE. Affecting someones life by teaching

and leading by example will always be valuable whether

they honor it or not! Always remember this and you will

be able to overlook those who have forgotten your value or have

taken it for granted.  Perhaps they must learn from

remorse later on in life as they remember you

and others who have shaped them.

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1st Timothy 1:3-16 The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church (people)? …

In this article I included scriptures, in most of my articles I do not, but only give hints. My goal is to get people to think in terms of relationship with God, not religion, not “church building” or rituals, but lifestyle. Living a Kingdom lifestyle organically without all of the formalities. What does that look like?  There are certain principles of right and wrong that we are born with, that the creator put in us. It is my goal to gently encourage the righteous code that has guided my life for the last 28 years.
https://shuharido.com/blog1/2018/09/01/a-very-powerful-illustration-of-what-self-mastery-under-the-kingdom-of-heaven-means/

POETIC WISDOM FOR MARITAL RELATIONSHIPS AND COMMUNICATION

WISDOM FROM THE BOOK OF

HAI CLUE

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For true love and relations

Two must have great communication

For this to commence

Two must embrace innocence

(see bottom for more explanation #1)

For communication cultivation

At least one but better two

(see bottom for more explanation #2)

Must assess tense situationsImage result for RELATIONSHIP CONFUSION GIF

Rationally and objectively

Not emotionally or oppressively

Recognizing that thoughts are elective

That two will many times will

Have two perspectives

(see bottom for explanation #3)

It is in this fact

That two must make a love pactImage result for HUSBAND WIFE fist bump

That no matter the perspective

No matter the test

Together through Godly knowledge

Both will find

What’s true,

What’s Godly,

What’s right,

What’s best.

(see bottom for more explanation #4)

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Explanation #1 “Innocence”: You must approach solving problems in your

relationship with an innocent heart. There can be no actions based on

putting your mate down, or trying to rob them of self esteem. Or anything

intentionally negative. There also must be faithfulness, you cannot expect

there to be good communication if you are violating the commitment

between the two of you.  If you are doing any of this your are part of the

problem. It is already hard enough to see the negative things that are done

unintentionally. So if you care about your relationship don’t violate the

commitment and never be an antagonist or pessimist intentionally.

Explanation #2 “At least one but better two”: Many times it can be difficult

to be solution oriented in emotional situations. This is where at least one

person must be the captain of the ship to keep it from sinking, until the

other can see clearly to start helping. This goes back to innocence it is easier

to convince someone to help you fix the communication problem if you are

not being part of the problem. Your relationship should be a bond of loyalty,

protection, self esteem, hope, future, and family. If you have found

someone worthy of building with and you both see the value, then it should

be mutually understood that four hands work better than one.

Explanation #3 “Two will many times will have two perspectives”: This is a

simple but very vital concept. So far we have established the idea that you

have found someone worthy of building with and it’s mutual. Well, just

because there is a difference in perspective it does not have to become

emotional, if it does that emotion does not take away all of the goodness

that you once saw in the person. You have to understand that you both are

still good people having a misunderstanding about a subject, perhaps where

the kids are going to school, or what church, or what pass-time, etc. If you

are having a disagreement about cheating or flirting then your problem is

much bigger. However, if faithfulness is still in tact then you can move

forward easier and deal with the problem rationally and objectively.

Explanation #4 “What’s best”: Now this is a very elusive item to discover.

There is a process to discovering what’s best. A blueprint you can use is one

that has worked wonderfully for me in my relationship, and it is, using the

guidelines of true, Godly, and best.

WHAT’S TRUE: First of all when you look for what is true argument, and

emotion should cease. For example, in context, it is true that yelling is

destructive, we learn that in elementary school. So unless you are dealing

with an “intentional antagonist” you should be able to come to an

agreement on that rather easily. It is true that insults are destructive which

could cause someone to lash out and yell so either side should know that

they are doing damage to the relationship if they do it.

WHAT’S GODLY: We know that God loves us immensely, in fact he is love

personified. We have only but to think of him and it should motivate us to

treat our wife or husband with the highest level of respect, commitment,

and love. Thinking of what is Godly or what God would do should keep us

motivated to being solution oriented.

WHAT’S RIGHT: Finally, we know that remaining calm, being  grateful for

our wife or husband, focusing on the good, not being antagonistic or

pessimistic are all the  is the right things to do so these thing should always

be on our minds, in our hearts, and in our actions. Try using this blueprint

in you relationship fill in the blanks or “right, godly, or true” as it relates to

issue you deal with and watch how it become a little easier to find the

solutions.

It is my hope that I have encouraged you to day. This poetry and concept can

be found in my book “The Book of Hai Clue” click to browse through it.

If you like this article please share, and subscribe.  I have a genuine heart to

inspire people to overcome their problems with concepts I have used in my

life and taught over the last 30 years. Also, please feel free to browse my

archives as there are so many other powerful articles I know you

will enjoy! Thanks for reading.